My Gay Mormon Sexuality Development

13 - I know I'm gay... This came from finding some adult videos of my much older step sister and finding no interest in the women and much interest in men. These feelings only grew stronger from here.

18 - I met my first openly gay guy who seemed interested in me. He invited me over to his place to talk and promised me that it would be nothing sexual. He then pushed me against my wishes and repeated no's and we messed around more than I would like... nothing major. This I believe stopped my progression into healthy relationship thinking. I put being gay in the back of my mind, went to some "reparative therapy" and went full force in to mission prep mode and off I served.

25 (about a year ago) - I did some major soul searching I decide to take a step back from church and accept myself as gay.

This is the point where I really felt like my development began.

I had my first real crush. Then I started seeing people and being okay seeing them as attractive. I wanted to date and love and be loved.

It is weird that in the last year feeling so many of the things that I heard described my whole life. The nervous feeling before asking for a phone number, that what if feeling and wondering if that crush might go somewhere.

I feel like in some ways I have come a long way, but I do have far to go. Maybe in a year or two I will be ready for an adult relationship :)