A note from an old coworker...

A past coworker of mine posted online and I really liked it

"I'm one who strongly believes that if something does not have the power to save us temporally (c.à.d. bring us joy in this life), then that something does not have the power to save us eternally (c.à.d. bring us joy in the next life).

To use an analogy, if a teacher is unable to help me truly understand Algebra, then that teacher will be unable to help me truly understand Calculus.

"Line upon line" is a common mormon saying, n'est-ce pas?... Read More

Just as we need to understand Algebra before we'll be able to understand Calculus, we need to be able to find joy in this life before we'll be able to find joy in the next life.

Anyone who has you convinced that joy is not for this life tells you so because they don't know how to help you find joy. If they can't help you find joy now... how the hell are they going to help you find joy then?

Our temporal salvation is just as vital as our eternal salvation. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise."

Sacrifice and Grieving

So, I am choosing to be out. This comes with sacrifice. One of my great friends who is married to a girl and likes guys just kind of kicked me to the curb when I told him I have started dating guys. Yeah, awesome huh? It was pretty hard, but I understand where he is coming from. I knew that's where it would go when I told him. I shed a few tears and pretended to do the grieving thing which I am not good at.

My dad died of Cancer in Feb. of this year. You think I would have grieved, but I just avoided by being strong for my family. I conducted and was the sole speaker at the funeral so I didn't have to be the person missing my dad. I could just have permission to hold it together while we spread my dad's ashes across the Pacific Ocean. In reality though I never gave myself the time to relize that I never was able to grow close enough to my dad to go on that camp out we talked about the last time I saw him walking around. I never felt close enough to him to want to tell him I liked guys. I never really let myself be me to him or feel the pain that the chance is gone is this life.

I always let myself feel the little things, but never the big things. Now it will switch, time to allow myself to grieve, to love, to engulf life, while letting little things pass, not affecting me.

Full of happiness

It is a good day. Today I recieved some hope that I can be wanted and loved.

Part of me wants to go on forever on how and why, but the bigger part of me just says I have hope!

What a WICkED life!

So I am a little crazy for a few things. One of these things would be a good musical. As I was listening to the soundtrack of Wicked, a few things stood out as things I felt good about. Here are some lyrics.

Dancing through life is a fun song that is not 100% in sync with my views, but really sometimes, shouldn't we just live and not worry???

The trouble with school is
They always try to teach the wrong lesson
Believe me, I've been kicked out
Of enough of them to know
They want you to become less callow
Less shallow
But I say: why invite stress in?
Stop studying strife
And learn to live "the unexamined life":

Dancing through life
Skimming the surface
Gliding where turf is smooth
Life's more painless
For the brainless
Why think too hard?
When it's so soothing
Dancing through life
No need to tough it
When you can sluff it off as I do
Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It's just life
So keep dancing through

Dancing through life
Swaying and sweeping
And always keeping cool
Life is fraught-less
When you're thoughtless
Those who don't try
Never look foolish
Dancing through life
Mindless and careless
Make sure you're where less
Trouble is rife
Woes are fleeting
Blows are glancing
When you're dancing
Through life:

Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!



I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:
And I say "world - come with me. Think of what we could
do: together."

California Supreme Court Upholds Ban on Same-Sex Marriage

So I have been thinking a lot on the subject. I have never really cared because I am not sure I care if I am "Married". I want a life long relationship with someone I live. Beyond that, it is not super relevant. But here is my beef. People are focusing on how immoral "Gays" are. When in reality California is pretty dang immoral, so is the world. Even here in Utah. So maybe the religious folks should worry less about a population trying to be more moral by telling them monogamous relationships are bad for them and random sex is the same thing in their eyes, I think they should be telling the world, "Let's love each other, value meaningful relationships, and encourage people to be the best they can be".

So here is my Gay Bashing moment. Why in Utah are we having rallies and protest mainly after the fact. If we want our voice to make a difference, let it be heard before the vote in great force. Not after when it is too late. Let us build the case that even as Gay men and Lesbian Women, we are good people that can make a difference in the world. We should have moral teachings and goals in out world, and a country founded on religious freedoms, seeking to take the high road, should encourage that.

Okay , that' my peace.

Someone to Come Home to

So, I have been thinking what are the benefits of being "Gay". I am not the partier type so the lifestyle of Clubs, Drugs and Sex is not appealing in the least. So why do it?

I guess it is to hold on to that hope that someday I might have someone that loves me for who I am. Someone who I can be strong for and they can be strong for me. Someone that helps me want to be better, that gives me power to overcome obstacles while we carry each others.

So I guess, now comes the fear. What if this person never comes? Then what is the point of being "Gay".

I guess that's why we take chances in life...Hopefully it will happen!

Prayers for Bobby

So I just finished watching Prayers for Bobby, as recommended by a friend. I wish sometimes things were more simple. I feel sometimes like Bobby. I love God, love his teachings, but what I am taught ofter contradicts what I feel, what I believe.

I really believe we are all here to make this a better place. Guys who like other guys and girls who like other girls are still dying or wish they were dead. Families still feel like they would be better with out a son, than with a gay one. People should be free to feel the way the feel.

My question is for myself, how am I going to make this better. How am I not going to be one that likes other boys...who dies.