Tears

Tonight was the first night I really felt in a long time. I could feel and I could feel hard, and it hurt so bad. But I could feel, and I cared, and it made me remember that I care about people. The people close to me and I love them. Friendship always has the possibility of ending. I guess I should always be ready for that and continue to look for something for life and beyond.

Thanks to my friends for helping me feel...Even when it hurts.

Options for meeting Mr. Right...

Somedays I miss the good old fashion singles ward that makes dating easy (well easier).

Sadly there is not a Salt Lake City 469th Young Gay Single Adult Ward. This would be a place where you could be spiritually fed, have friends who don't judge your lifestyle (maybe your clothing choice), and the ward activities would help members in peculiar circumstances find their Eternal Companion.

Well, since that most likely will never happen, here are the options I have figured out...

1. Craigslist Personals:

When I first was exploring the idea of dating, I let my eyes wander over to the left side of the Salt Lake City Craigslist ads to see Men Seeking Men. I was somewhat surprised to find not so modest pictures of men from the valley, most not even showing their face. I also learned of new terms that I had to look up on Urban Dictionary. Of Course I thought I would be the exception to what these men were looking for so I posted an ad looking for friendship or maybe a LTR. I braved the waters to find that they were full of trouble that led me to feeling worse about my actions.

So Craigslist and other sites similar fail the test.

2. Online Dating (ex. Yahoo, Compatible Partners, Etc)

So, thinking this might be better I set up my profiles and started chatting. Holy awkward moments batman. I went on a couple dates after much work and paying stupid fees to find guys who didn't know what they wanted.

Dating Online so far is a FAIL!

3. Clubbing

I have not given this one a real chance, but the one time I did go, I felt so uncomfortable. My dad was an alcoholic, so being around people that are wasted is a struggle for me, plus I really suck at dancing so I am not yet confident I will meet Prince Charming while I am so uncomfortable.

Clubbing - Not fully explored but highly skeptical

4. Social Groups

I have heard of groups like simply social and others who just get a bunch of gay guys together to hang and do activities. This sounds like fun if I went with a friend or two.

Anyone have any experience on these groups? I would love to here the pros and cons.

5. Word of mouth

I think I hope that maybe someday someone will set me up with "him". This way seems kind of high school and really takes the power out of my hands, but sure would nice. I figure I am still pretty new to being out so if this is to happen I should given it lots of time.

So I guess I just need to be patient and keep exploring, but if anyone has any brilliant ideas they would like to share, please do.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

One of my really great friends is a super example to me, and he has been for a long time. Sometimes because we can be so different, I sometimes don't realize how much I learn from him and how there are many things about him that I want to to incorporate into my life.

Some examples:

1. He works to live, whereas I often live to work. Some day I want my job to simply be there to pay my bills, but not something that my whole life revolves around. I think about if I just worked 40 hours a week doing something that payed decent and I somewhat enjoy, I would have so much more opportunity to do the things I really want, like spend time with friends, date, and make a difference in the world.

2. He travels. He is an adventurer which I aspire to be. Right now my idea of a vacation is driving up to Park City alone just to catch my breath for a night. I want to be able to take a month a see many parts of a while new continent, or find long lost friends to enjoy their company.

3. He is not worried about what other people think of his life choices. One of my favorite jobs I ever had was working at Cold Stone. I made much more money than I do now and I had so much fun. For whatever reason I am embarrassed by that. Maybe someday I will own a little ice cream shop and do some counseling on the side and now worry about how crazy that sounds.

This year I want ask a little less of what I think the world needs, and focus more on coming alive.

Random Thoughts

• I work two much. I miss the days where a $100 paycheck as a 14 year old made me feel rich, and now my paychecks from working 55-70 hours a week still barely seem to pay my bills.
• I have great friends that I miss. Going though facebook today, it really made me want to find a way to keep them more in my life.
• I want to make 20 minutes a day to read blogs. They are thought provoking and inspiring to me and I  am so grateful for them.
• For the first time in my life I LOVE the sun. I burn really easy, thus the past lack of love, but lately on the days when it comes out, I have hope and happiness. It is like my life, there can be clouds that seem to pour on you for the better part of the year, but the sun always comes out. There is always hope in the future.
• Another first is that I am mostly happy about not being in charge. I love my new job where I can add my experience and knowledge, but I do not have to have all the answers all the time.
• As I read blogs today, I felt God's love for people. Reading of renewed testimonies, pending news that could seem destroying, but is seen with some level of comfort, knowing that people I barely know, are speaking to me with out even knowing it. I really believe in a higher power that has a foundation for love, even love for me.